Characters

Sam

Linda

 

Setting

A home.  Sam is upstairs in his office.  Linda is in the kitchen below the office. All of the dialog is done yeling back and forth.

 

LINDA: Will you please stop that banging for God’s sake!

SAM: I’m not banging! It’s not me!

LINDA: Well then who is???

SAM: I don’t know!  It’s coming from outside.  Hang on I’ll open the window and check it out.

LINDA: Well do it quick please because I’m trying to meditate down here and I only have another 5 minutes before the craziness of the day starts.

SAM: Okay, okay!!  I’m on it.

 

Sam pops his head out of the window and looks upward on the outside of the house where the banging is coming from.

 

SAM: You’re never going to believe this.

LINDA: What?

SAM: It’s a woodpecker pecking on the overhang!

LINDA: What?  I can’t hear you with the banging! Speak louder!

SAM (really yelling): It’s a friggin Woodpecker making the racket and destroying our home in the process!

LINDA: Shit!  

SAM: Shit is right because I can’t even reach up there to shoo him away.

LINDA: How about using the hose from the garden?

SAM: Won’t reach.  He, or she, is too high.

LINDA (sarcastically): Well how about you ask him nicely to stop because now I only have 3 minutes left to meditate!

SAM (shouting out window to woodpecker): Hey woodpecker!  My wife wants to know if you could please stop pecking at our house so that she can meditate!

The woodpecker stops the pecking/banging and flies away.

 

SAM: Damn, it worked.  Linda? Linda it worked!!  You can meditate now hon.

No answer.

 

SAM: Linda?  Are you there?  Are you meditating?  Answer me will ya!!!

LINDA (chanting trying to ignore Sam): Om…..om…..om….om….

 

Buzzer goes off indicating end of meditating session.  Linda tries to stop buzzer (which is very loud) but it won’t go off.

 

SAM: Linda will you turn the buzzer off for God’s sake!!?? That’s worse than the woodpecker!  

LINDA:  (messing with the buzzer) It…won’t…go…off!  Damnit! Wait, I have an idea…

Linda throws the buzzer out the window.

 

SAM
Hey the buzzing stopped.  How did you do that?

LINDA: The buzzer did a “woodpecker” and flew away.  We’re free!!

SAM: Huh?

LINDA
Don’t worry about it Sam.  Just enjoy the peace. Om……

THE END